4.20.2016

Seven Things I'm Bad At

Measuring distance. I can't eyeball anything and tell you how big it is. I couldn't give directions to the mini mart without looking it up because I don't know if it's one mile or three from my house. I can't convert from standard to metric. I don't know how many yards it is from here to there. And don't get me started on temperature conversions! I've always sucked at math and yes, you do need a little bit of it when you grow up. Or just have a calculator handy.


English. On the other hand, I think I do alright with the English language. I'm not a writer by any means, but I always aced research papers and I mastered legal writing. I know how to spell and could teach a class on the proper use of apostrophes! However, I constantly have to think twice about using who/whom and who's/whose. And sometimes I know when I'm supposed to use "whom" but it sounds so weird and fancy, I just don't do it. 


Getting dressed. I would say three out of five times I somehow manage to throw on a hoodie backwards, so my face is in the hood. My roommates used to laugh at me hysterically. Jacob is so used to it now, he just shakes his head and walks away. I'm an idiot.


Cooking/baking. I hate cooking. I do it because I have a family to feed, but I would rather go out, order in, or let Jacob barbecue something. If I had the money, I'd hire a personal chef. It takes so long to prepare a meal then everyone devours it in minutes and I'm stuck cleaning the kitchen for the next twenty. And around here someone is always complaining about what's on their plate. I don't mind baking, mostly because the end product tastes so good, but it's not pretty. I make the biggest messes and even the most foolproof recipes come out looking all wrong.


Keeping clean. I keep a pretty clean house. Some even think I'm a little OCD when it comes to organization and tidiness. I make sure my kids never have messy faces or snot coming out of their noses. I won't tolerate crap in my car or toys left out in the yard. But when it comes to me, I'm a mess. I spill on my shirt just about every day then have to walk around with a stupid stain. I don't know where my motor skills went wrong, but I misjudge my bites or miss my mouth all the time. I even dribble water down my neck if I don't pay close attention to how I'm drinking. I'm a disaster.


Sleeping. First of all, I don't get enough sleep each night. I average five and a half hours and it's really something I need to change, especially as I get older. I also take too many naps. I know, I know, it's a terrible cycle. But what I'm really bad at is the actual sleeping part. What do you do with your arms?! I wake up in the middle of the night with numb limbs and twisted wrists and I'm so sore every morning. I wish I could lie peacefully on my back with my head resting gently on a silk pillowcase like a damn Disney princess.


Talking. I have a subglottic stenosis. It's a narrowing of my airway in the space right below my vocal cords and above my trachea. I usually call it a "tracheal stenosis" because people don't know what I'm talking about otherwise. I have dilation surgeries a few times a year, but have a hard time breathing every single day, even after those procedures. In addition, I constantly lose my voice. If I go to a concert or game where I'm screaming a lot, I'll be hoarse for weeks. I'm also raspy and strained after about ten minutes of continuous speaking or belting out a single song. (There goes my Broadway dream! Just kidding, singing is another thing I'm bad at.)

9 comments:

SMD @ lifeaccordingtosteph said...

I am equally hideous in the measurement department. I cannot approximate anything.

Mattie @ Northwest Native said...

I am horrible with distances...but I'm also horrible with direction. Michael likes to torment me so when we're away from home he'll be like, "Where do we live?" and want me to point and I NEVER know.

My worst grammar thing is the "and I" vs. "and me." I remember it being beat into my head that it's ALWAYS "and I" and then you throw in this, "wait sometimes it should be 'and me'" and it's TOO CONFUSING.

Kristen @ See You In A Porridge said...

oh my gosh that last part was kind of terrifying. i have never heard of that before but it sounds really not fun :(

i suck at distance, and especially now with different measurements, sometimes i can kind of gauge metres or kms but when people say yards or feet, nope. sometimes when people say feet, i think 'how many of me would that be, because i am almost 6ft' hahaha.

i suck at cooking and baking as well. also grammar and stuff. i always ask KC because he knows all the things, it's kind of annoying. but one time he spelled forty like fourty and i still make fun of him. i hate when i cant remember if something is spelled one way at home and one way here, like we use 'learnt' and other words ending in t vs learned and other words ending in ed and sometimes i think people think i am stupid so i try and avoid them.

that hoodie thing is hilarious!

Jana @ Jana Says said...

I am godawful with directions. I get lost very easily and it's so bad that people don't trust me when I give them directions to places I've been dozens of times.

I also cannot eat without getting food on myself. I did it already today. And promptly forgot and then left the house with a big tomato soup stain on my shirt.

Misty, Handbags + Handguns said...

I am the same way with sleeping. I wake up sore every damn day. I'm a side sleeper. My arms and wrists hurt. My neck and shoulders hurt. I also have a bad back. And I stay up late to have some peace and quiet before I actually go to sleep. I can't cook. I hate to clean. I can't measure distance either. Someone just asked me how far from here to here. I said, "Four miles?" Tony said, "Try a mile." Whoopsies!

Selma @ Crazy Little World Of Mine said...

You sound so normal, girl. Hahahaha. I'm great at directions if I can let them know that they have to turn left at let's say Macy's and then straight ahead and then right again after urban outfitters. Lol I use stores and such to navigate. Great with girls, but guys have a hard time with it. Lol

Erin of TexErin-in-SydneyLand said...

That first paragraph...me too! Then, I decide to move to a country that uses the metric system. Thank goodness for smart phones to help me convert things. I still think in Fahrenheit instead of Celsius, and I've been here 7+ years.

That last trachea condition sounds terrible! Ugh.

Gracey Williams said...

Ugh don't get me started on cooking. A recipe says prep time 10 minutes? That translates to prep time 30 minutes for me. I'm so horrible at it haha. My boyfriend always complains that I take so long. Like shut up I'm making you food. No complaining allowed. It's always hit or miss on whether it tastes good though.

Breakfast at Gracey's

Karen Peterson said...

Sometimes I'm very good with distance, and other times I cannot do it. I just can't.

And I really don't know how to sleep. I do it wrong every single night.