Best Friendless

Confession time: I don't have a best friend. Don't worry, this is not a woe is me type post. I just thought about it the other day and after a few conversations with other friends, I realized I don't actually have a bestie. I've seen bloggers talk about their best friends from high school and how they are still as close as ever and honestly, it boggles my mind.

Growing up, I seemed to have a new best friend every few years, sometimes every single year. I don't think that's so abnormal though. Pre-teen girls are fickle creatures, trying to figure out their place in the world, and a lot of times that means a shift in cliques. Or was that just me? I changed schools a few times so maybe I wasn't able to put roots down. But I only went to one high school and at one point, I was best friends with preppies, stoners, band geeks, drama nerds, jocks, you name it. I was friends with one girl from 5th to 12th grade, and at times we claimed to be BFFs, but there were years in there where we had nothing to do with each other. I had another best friend in high school. We belonged to different cliques, but always had so much fun together. That ended as soon as we graduated though. Our paths went in opposite directions; hers to motherhood, mine to partying. I'm still friendly with both of them though, thanks to Facebook. 

After graduation I met BFF (that's what I've always called him on the blog). We clicked the night we met, had everything in common, and were best pals from then on out. But he moved to Sacramento three years ago and although we still get along perfectly, the distance is a factor. Then there's Carrie, who I've known since I was nine years old. We have fun when we hang out and she's my go-to person for concerts, but the only thing we really have in common is our history. Our relationship has been sort of strange this past year too.

I have friends for different reasons, who offer different things: mom friends, high school friends, neighbors, old family friends, blog friends, college friends, old coworkers, childhood friends, etc. I also genuinely love hanging out with my siblings and parents. I even have friends who are totally off the grid and are completely uncomfortable if I want a picture of us together for social media purposes. Who are these monsters?

I've always believed that people can come into your life for a period of time or during a phase and leave without hard feelings. I've only ever actually had to "break up" with one friend, the rest have just drifted out of my life. Does that make me cold? Should I have tried harder? Sometimes I feel like the only one who ever tries, so I've been giving up a lot easier these days.

I really hate to be that girl who claims her husband is her best friend, but Jacob kind of is. I love spending time with him and he's my first choice, I just don't put that "best friend" label on him. So yeah, I guess I'm best friendless, but I'm ok with it.


SMD @ lifeaccordingtosteph said...

I have a few BFFs - some from high school, some from adulthood. Each one serves a different purpose for me. I think you have that around you, you just might look at it differently.

Misty, Handbags + Handguns said...

I totally understand this. My best friend from high school and I parted ways for many years after high school and only recently reconnected. We were two stubborn girls who didn't make the effort to keep in touch when she moved. Now, it's like we never missed a day. I met Terri when Dain was two. Our friendship is insane, but no one knows me better. Ha!

I've always had ups and downs with girlfriends. Women are so fickle. I still have some friends from elementary school that I try to get together with a couple times of year. This is one of the only reasons I'm thankful for annoying Facebook.

I WISH WE LIVED CLOSER!!! We would be besties for sure.

Misty, Handbags + Handguns said...

Oh, and I should probably add that I met Terri through a local moms group I found online. I joined the group because I didn't have any friends. Ha! All of mine had moved away or moved on, and I didn't make an effort to keep close with anyone for a while.

Karen M. Peterson said...

I feel like I'm sort of the same. I don't have one best friend. But I have a lot of really close friends that I love and that I get along with really well. But not one person that I would consider my "best friend." I was thinking about that the other day when I was wondering to myself if Chris is my best friend. I guess he sort of is.

Angie said...

I feel the SAME way!!! I was just telling my husband this not long ago that I am glad we have each other because I feel like I have no friends. lol I had a couple months there where I literally talked to none of my girlfriends. I do have at least 3 close friends and they all kinda serve different purposes. 1 that I go out with and have fun, 1 that I can cry to and is there for the rough times, and then 1 that I just have a lot in common with and is easy to talk to. But I feel like I dont have that BESTIE. I see all my friends on facebook posting about their best friend, that one girl that they do EVERYTHING with. I feel like all my friends have a bestie but not me. I told Shane that really I shouldnt complain because thats just less drama I have to deal with, but at the same time...its nice to feel "needed" sometimes. Ya know!? Like youre the first one that someone would want to call or talk to. I totally get it! I do have a cousin that I am super close with and is probably the closes I would consider to a best friend but she lives 8 hours away so not like we can hang out :/

Susan S. said...

I understand this completely. I have a best friend/cousin, but you know, that's a cousin. Like you, people have drifted in and out. I have lots of friends and good friends too, but

I'm still working on being ok with being best friendless.