Last week flat out sucked. I had surgery on Monday to dilate my trachea. Again. The procedure itself is short, but hard on me. They open my airway with a balloon and then slice a part of the scar tissue with a CO2 laser. My jaw, teeth, tongue, throat, chest, lungs, neck, and shoulders hurt for a full week afterwards. Jacob was off for three days so I stayed in bed, took Vicodin, drank smoothies, and finally started watching Breaking Bad between naps. (I only have two episodes to season five. Addicted.) And hey, I even got pictures this time! If it's not on Instagram, it didn't happen, right?

A. My trachea before surgery.
B. My trachea after they cut some of the scar tissue.
C. The circumference of a normal trachea. Even after the procedure, I'm only open 50%.

Every single time I have this done, I forget about the worst part of recovery: Prednisone. I have to take the steroid because my trachea is so swollen after the procedure, it's hard to breathe and cough up the dried blood and mucus that's trapped under the incision. It helps almost instantly, but it's not a fun drug. I get incredibly irritable and anxious. I'm angry one minute and in sad, crying fits the next. I'm hot and uncomfortable 24 hours a day. I have to sleep with the windows open in our bedroom, when it's only been 38 degrees outside at night, but still wake up sweating. I can't focus on anything. My vision is blurred, I have headaches, I'm in a complete fog, and feel dizzy. I refuse to drive even though it isn't something they advise against. I'm restless, itchy, and my skin is really dry. My chest is heavy, my shoulders hurt, even my teeth hurt! I was also starving and couldn't stop eating, but then felt sick to my stomach afterwards. It's absolutely horrible. I'm on a larger dose than most people for most medical reasons because, you know....breathing, but I think I get every single side effect.

Jacob had to go back to work on Thursday, but I made him come home early. My mom and sister took the boys for a few hours Friday afternoon until Jacob got home so I could get back in bed. I've been really good with my kids though. I know that it makes me react quickly and angrily to every little thing, so I just let them run the show. The TV is on all day, they have every toy out, art projects going on in every room, and one day we had pretzels and Smarties for lunch. (Don't worry, we had eggs, bananas, and milk for breakfast). 

The thing is, as much as it sucks in the moment, I know I'll feel better soon. I'm able to breathe again now, only 50%, but still. I feel so guilty for complaining and spend my evenings crying about how horrible I am and ask Jacob why I can't just suck it up. See? It makes you an emotional mess! Jacob is my rock. He doesn't just hold down the fort, he exceeds my expectations for everything. (For the record, there's no way he could keep it up for longer than a week, but I'm not saying a single thing about that!) He tries to get the boys interested in other things so they don't worry about me. They decorated Halloween cookies, planted a tree in our backyard forest, went for rides in the bike trailer to all the nearby parks, created what Nolan calls a "lobsterbot", drew me some get well pictures, grocery shopped, picked up smoothies, cleaned the house, did some laundry, went to the library, cuddled, watched Halloween episodes of their favorite shows, and read together. He is an amazing man. I love him. And that makes me feel even worse for acting like a crazy bitch. Which I also cried about. Ugh!

Sometimes you just gotta have a whiny blog post. Please forgive me.


Mrs. Jones said...

Feel better! That sounds absolutely miserable so I'm sending happy and fun thoughts your way!

SMD @ lifeaccordingtosteph said...

That sounds miserable I would be acting out like a total ahole. I wish you a speedy recovery!

Karen M. Peterson said...

I'm glad you're on the mend. It sounds horrible. I hope I don't ever have to go through that. Yikes!

Misty said...

You definitely have a rock star husband!

The two times I took Prednisone, I experienced every single symptom. It's the worst. I get sick every year about this time. A cold turns into bronchitis with a cough that won't let up. {what I've got right now} Prednisone helps. Nothing else does. So, I'm just coughing away because I refuse to take it.

Jen @ That's What She Read said...

whine all you want babes! you deserve it and I bet the boys loved the pretzels for lunch!! :)

Tiffany @ Polka Dotted Cats said...

I wish I had a lobsterbot! Hope you are finally feeling better...prednisone really is just the worst even though it is necessary. I used to get injections and then wouldn't be able to sit or lay down comfortably.

Jo said...

I have a friend who just had the same thing done to her ... I hope you feel better soon! Nothing sucks quite as much as being in pain and having to deal with everything.
I can't imagine my husband doing quite as much as yours ... then again our kids are older so he'll just tell them to sort themselves out.

Jen said...

So will they ever have a permanent fix for you?? So sorry you were feeling so yucky!

Kelly @ turned UP to ELEVEN! said...

Bless your heart. I understand what you're saying so much about the steroids. My co-worker is the same way when they give them to her, and I've only had them once and thought I might hulk out because of it. Clearly our bodies wear not meant to have them regularly.

I hope you're feeling better!!! ox